I was on my way home from work that day. I took the MRT which was extraordinarily empty of its usual load of people. I sat near the entrance and tried to relax and to savor the chance of being able to sit straight from Ayala to SM North. Most of the trip I was just looking at my reflection at the glass window opposite me. I was too busy being vain until I noticed another reflection that was painfully familiar.

Out of the emptiness, I saw you. You were so near that it was a miracle I failed to see you earlier during the trip. You were standing, your back towards me and your head resting on your arm that was holding the railing. You wore a brown short sleeves polo, jeans and rubber shoes and the sling bag that was your trade mark way back in high school. Your reflection in the glass was not clear but I could tell from the look of it that your eyes were closed and that you were trying to sleep. You looked peaceful. You were still and silent, harmless, until the train hit the last station.


~~~ MRT SM North Station

The train stopped. The doors opened and everybody rushed out. All the faces were rejoicing as they successfully made their way out of the train. I remained seated and was still stunned. Your mere existence in such proximity almost made me forget I was supposed to get off the train already.

As I came to my senses, I got up, careful enough for you not to notice. But as I was on my way to the entrance, I couldn't seem to find my ticket. With much dismay, I forgot all my drama and cursed. I cursed out loud. Shit.

Nobody seemed to care. Nobody seemed to mind. All eyes were still towards the open entrance. Unfortunately, all except yours.

Our eyes met and we both were surprised. During the two years we didn’t see each other; my daydreams were always of you, of meeting you – meeting you in church, in the airport, in a restaurant while dining with another guy. But of all those hypothetical scenarios I have developed in my mind, I didn't realize that it could be as simple as you and me inside the MRT. But even though things can be this simple, you always seem to have your way to complicate them.

You came near and you said hello. I smiled, tried to be perky and said hi. You looked the same, you sounded the same. You even wore that same old perfume. You have but a few lines in your forehead which revealed your age and a smile that made you even more mature.

We walked together to the mall and had the chance to have a little chat. Our conversation was just like those in the past. We joked, we laughed. What was lacking was just my hand in yours.

It wasn’t like how I imagined. There was little tension. It wasn't very hard to keep the level of enthusiasm. For a change, you were cooperative. We talked about new stuffs about us and we stayed far from what hurts. No updates on personal relationships, just work, school, family.

~~~ SM North

You were so warm and bubbly that I even got strength from your over flowing energy. Unlike everybody, you didn't seem to experience the stresses the day was with. You even asked me to eat and watch a movie. For good times' sake, I guess. I admired your courage, but I know too well you were aware I wasn't going to say yes. I was tired, I reason out but to sound nice I suggested about having the movie and lunch some other time.

Though things generally went well, we had lots of silent moments while we were inside the mall. We came to the point where we had nothing safe to talk about.

I actually had other things to buy. But when I was about to go ahead and buy something from the bookstore, you readily asked if I needed company. I could see the sincerity but I told you I was fine. You remained sweet through the years and you insisted. Your ability to sugar coat your words and your actions were still in tune. The difference was that I didn't fall for them. But in pity of your efforts, I agreed. I could always use some help in carrying my shopping bags, I thought.

I could say you were nicer. I didn't know if it was for real but to take it as it is, you were a breath of fresher air, much fresher than the one which met as in EDSA. Expectedly, you carried my shopping bags. Much expectedly, you enjoyed the weight or rather you enjoyed being useful. You accompanied and helped a lonely, unattached, old friend, who by chance had her heart broken by you. I guess it was then again, an addition to your futile attempts to show you are sorry. Your consistency made me want to smile.

~~~ Terminal

After shopping, I told you, you should go home but you wanted to lengthen the day, you offered to walk me to the terminal. I tried to shake you off by saying I was going to ride a jeep and the terminal would be meters and meters away, but you insisted. Another few meters and minutes of freedom from my newly bought books and school supplies, I thought.

You continued your act. You asked me questions about my life now. Your questions were closely bordering to things we silently agreed to avoid. You even asked me if I were still unattached. I didn't respond. One, because I didn't like to and two, because my answer was no. I was very much attached. To you. Still to you.

~~~ FX

You hugged me as I was about to ride the FX. It came as a shock. Worst was that you even whispered on how much you missed me. After that, I didn't have the strength to respond with words. I just smiled awkwardly, got in the vehicle and waved you goodbye. After a couple minutes, while the fx was tracking its way home, I cried silently in my seat. All the things I couldn't tell you, I shed through my tears. As I cried, I can hear the music playing. Love is asking me to dance with him again. Would I? Should I?